Fast Time by Shey Stahl

Author:Shey Stahl [Stahl, Shey]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Romance
Publisher: Shey Stahl
Published: 2015-05-10T04:00:00+00:00

“IF YOU LOVE OUR BOYS—”

I turned to face Lily, who laid into me as soon as I walked through the door. I was supposed to tell my dad I wouldn’t be racing anymore. Instead, I hit my brother in the face. “Don’t you ever say that I don’t love our boys!”

What I said twisted and turned inside her before she spoke. “That’s not at all what I’m saying. I’m saying that if you love us, them, you’ll think twice about getting inside that car and what could happen.”

Did she really believe I wasn’t thinking twice about it? Racing has been all I’ve known for over twenty years. It was what tied every memory I had of her, of my family, of Jack together. To give that up seemed like I was giving up my soul. So yeah, I was hesitating.

Life had the power to change in a heartbeat, a split fraction of a second. A moment when everything was taken and we were left with a memory of what it was like.

That was what I had.

Only a memory.

Marriage was hard. In no way did I ever expect it to be easy.

My parents had a marriage worthy of the hall of fame.

Me? I wasn’t sure I could ever have that, but I wanted it with Lily.

Unfortunately, losing a child changed everything. The dynamic of our family was altered forever. Nothing was the same. Not only was there someone missing, but I was stuck wondering why it changed in the first place. Why our family?

“You don’t want to quit, do you?” Lily finally asked, her eyes focused on her hands.

Pacing the living room, I watched the boys playing in the backyard, both pushing around dump trucks in the dirt.

Turning to face her, I gave her my honest thought on the matter. “No. I don’t want to walk away from racing.” I hesitated, taking in her reaction to my words, and then added, “But I will for you.” Taking the few steps to her, I wrapped my arms around my wife. “I’m just…I don’t know. I want you to be happy and all, but it’s hard for me to walk away from it. I love racing. I will if that’s what you want.”

“No one understands me.” Confused, her hands pushed me back, but not enough that she was pulling away completely. Her eyes scanned mine, watchful, as she spoke. “You don’t understand. You didn’t nurse him and spend every waking minute wondering if he was going to be okay and be the boy you hoped he would be. It’s different for the mother.”

I let go of her, and honestly, I was hurt by what she said. I watched her walk away and out the door to where the boys were playing.

How is it different for the mother?

Just because I didn’t nurse him in the early morning hours didn’t mean I didn’t have a bond with him. Just because I wasn’t there, holding his hand that first day of kindergarten, or kissed his tears away while he was getting his shots didn’t mean I didn’t feel the loss.

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